Hi, my name is Toni

and it keeps coming till the day it stops (c) James Murphy 2025 was shit. 2026 isn’t off to a great start either. If I let the world influence my mood so much, I’ll never be happy. I haven’t cared for my birthday since I was, like, 17, but the start of a new year felt like a thing. It doesn’t anymore. I think the main reason is that time doesn’t feel real to me anymore. The past is a blur because there are all the COVID-related “lost years” that then transition into the russian invasion “lost years”. So it feels like the past has collapsed in on itself into an endless series of being at home 24/7(ish) anxious about something big and completely outside the scope of my control. The future is vague because… well… I could literally die on any given night because of a drone/rocket/some new thing. I struggle to plan anything that’s more than a few days into the future, and even then it’s “if nothing bad happens in the next 48 hours”. ...

My morning routine kicks off with through-the-roof anxiety thanks to my body’s natural cortisol-producing hormone schedule. SUCH JOY!

The main event of the week is that I got food poisoning. Up until I got it I thought the main event would be my gf’s birthday and the awesome gift I got here (iPad + Apple Pencil so she can start working on her backburner dream/goal of becoming an illustrator), but then the bad sushi happened. Food poisoning -> lack of sleep -> sick day from work -> missed deadlines -> stress -> exacerbated symptoms-> lack of sleep -> rinse -> repeat. ...

It’s been a tough (very) week, but I made it through!

If you’ve somehow managed to gamify building good habits and your approach is at least a little unconventional, can you let me know what your system is like? I’m really struggling here.

I’ve mostly been playing League of Legends, and I am not happy about it. It’s a great game where at any given moment things can go in a million different directions. It’s also the biggest source of dopamine (and cortisol?) I have right now. But it takes up a lot of my time and it just is NOT a joyful or satisfying experience. I quote I stumbled across this week that’s etched itself onto the back of my eyelids: ...

I own a Korg Nanokey Studio and use it (infrequently) as my main midi controller when making music. One of the coolest features about this thing (besides WIRELESS CONNECTIVITY) is that it has a “scale” mode. Because I’m tired of constantly looking up which key corresponds to which scale, I thought I’d make myself this cheatsheet to use instead. And obviously, gotta share it with the world! Scale modes There are two main scale modes: ...

I’m struggling to figure out how to make my book about ‘one person dealing with #Issues’ instead of a global conspiracy that’s beyond what one person can deal with.

It’s been a tough week. Mostly because it’s the start of a new month and that is always a stressful time at work. Also — because russia launched over 800 drones and 10+ rockets on Saturday night, and whatever “rest” I experienced went right out the window. But, there are good news, too. Work I passed my trial period at work. I’m “officially” an employee (still a contractor, legally) and that means vacation time, health insurance, and some other (minor but appreciated) workplace perks. Healthcare in Ukraine is pretty good and cheap/free, but it’s good to know that if something happens to me, I’ve got insurance to foot the bill. ...