It's 2026, I guess.

and it keeps coming till the day it stops (c) James Murphy

2025 was shit. 2026 isn’t off to a great start either. If I let the world influence my mood so much, I’ll never be happy.

I haven’t cared for my birthday since I was, like, 17, but the start of a new year felt like a thing. It doesn’t anymore.
I think the main reason is that time doesn’t feel real to me anymore.
The past is a blur because there are all the COVID-related “lost years” that then transition into the russian invasion “lost years”. So it feels like the past has collapsed in on itself into an endless series of being at home 24/7(ish) anxious about something big and completely outside the scope of my control.
The future is vague because… well… I could literally die on any given night because of a drone/rocket/some new thing. I struggle to plan anything that’s more than a few days into the future, and even then it’s “if nothing bad happens in the next 48 hours”.

So, as much as all the people that have achieved nirvana will insist on “living in the moment” — I have the authority to tell you that even if you achieve that goal, there’s still a chance you’ll do it wrong.

All of this is to say that the new year doesn’t feel like a new year because every single day feels like it’s an entire year long (in a bad way).